Welcome to the internet, my pretties. You're probably reading this because some shit just went down. Whoa, totally makes you lose your faith in humanity right? Declare the equivalent of moving to Canada via rage quit? I'm with ya. 

So, take a deep breath and let the rage subside a little. What can we do so this incident repeats itself with less frequency?

Step one: check yourself before you wreck yourself

The hardest part about this whole process is that many people that are on the receiving end of this kind of stuff know it isn't an isolated incident - this isn't the first time it's happened, this is maybe just the first time you've noticed it. Additionally, the people who are on the receiving end of this kind of behavior on a regular basis are frustrated because people don't learn when other people make these mistakes. Think of it like a conveyor belt: you explain to one person why what they did was wrong, but there is an infinite line of people behind them ready to make the same mistake. It's tiring.

Let's get into personal responsibility. Take a seat and buckle up, we're expecting a little turbulence.

You've fucked up

Maybe someone couldn't handle speaking up to you about it (this is not an uncommon thing, considering the average reaction), but it's likely you've made this mistake in the past. Recognize it, own it. Realize that everyone makes mistakes and it isn't the end of the world. I consider myself pretty versed in a lot of issues and I've gotten rightly called out on twitter and in conversations for saying things that I shouldn't have. It happens to all of us.

This is hard for a lot of people (myself included) because the vast majority of us don't want to hurt others, we don't want to create an atmosphere where someone feels unwelcome or even physically threatened. Coming to terms with the fact that you may have done that sucks, there's no better way to put it. 

Pro tip! 

Yeah, your pride is probably a little bruised, but you'll recover. Don't make it worse by calling people names, being verbally or physically threatening, or publicly harassing the person you've wronged. There's no coming back from that.

You have an opportunity to right the ship before you lose your shit, though. Oh man, I really hurt this person is on a different continent from OMFG NO U! So choose your next steps wisely. 

Take a deep breath.

Learn how to apologize

1. Acknowledge it.
1. If confronted: You're right, that was out of line.
2. If you realize it first: Actually, lemme stop for a second. What I just did was wrong.
2. Apologize.
1. I'm sorry. (Yup, it's totes that easy.)
3. Make amends. 
1. What can I do to make it up to you?
4. Learn
1. Take time to fully understand why what you did was wrong.

Apologizing is more an art than a science. Sure, it has specific ingredients, but there are subtleties that the recipe misses.  Mainly sincerity, which means all apologies should lack excuses. If you say the word "but" anywhere in your attempt, it is not an apology; stop yourself and start over again.

Everyone has received an apology that they didn't believe. Be mindful of your tone, your volume, your words, and the setting.

Step two: if you see something, say something

The person on the receiving end of poor or dangerous behavior can't always speak up for themselves without worrying about things like being treated worse, being ganged up on, or retribution. When you step in, say "hey, not cool", and employ your best mega-frown a la Grumpy Cat, you're saying other people recognize what they're doing and it's not acceptable. This takes the pressure off of the victim (for lack of a better term) who is already having to deal with a flood of their own emotions (insecurity, fear, anger, anxiety, panic, etc). Everyone is responsible for helping to uphold the Golden Rule. 

The level of "call them out on that" varies depending on the person, relationship, context, and the situation. Use your best judgement according to this handy dandy escalation list:

1. Pull them aside privately or email them and explain the situation to them.
2. Stop them immediately and tell 'em what's up.
3. Get an authority figure involved (boss, conference organizer, business owner, a respected third party - whatever is situationally appropriate).
4. Take it to the the streets. If all other avenues have failed you or if the situation is severe enough, get help from wherever you can.
5. Get the cops involved. If someone has done something illegal or has become physically, verbally, or emotionally threatening, drop everything and call the cops immediately.

Pro tip!

If someone accuses you of White Knighting, remind them that you're a human that expects other humans to be treated with respect, full stop. Feel free to use this totally scientific equation:

When you did/said ________, I felt __________.

Letting bad behavior slide shows everyone in the community that it's acceptable to do those things. It's not. You don't want that in your community and I don't want it in mine.

Step three: dftba - don't forget to be awesome

You've graduated and are ready to go out into the world planting flowers everywhere you go and high fiving everyone you see. So what's next?

• Encourage people to get to know people who aren't like them. This is what I like to call the Empathy Trojan Horse. You're more likely to see a situation from someone else's perspective when you can put yourself or someone you know in their shoes.
• Proactively discuss community issues with friends and help them to see why it's an issue in the first place. The more we talk about these problems, the more we can start modeling good behavior and eradicating the bad stuff.
• Talk to conferences and companies about putting in a code of conduct. And offer to help!
• Make the world a better place. Volunteer to help with community-based organizations that aim to either help bring more people into the community or help support the people that are already here.
• Speak out publicly about these issues, explain how to combat them, and urge people to help you.

Running a conference - especially if you're new to conference organizing - is hard work. The most nerve-wracking part is making sure you have enough attendees to cover costs. But what if you could make it easier for more people to attend while selling more tickets?

This conversation was started thanks to a tweet by Matt Wheeler and kind of exploded from there.

@ashedryden do any conferences have funds to help poorer speakers attend? Wondering how ability to fund travel/hotel affects CFP.

— Matthew Wheeler (@Matt_Wheel) December 22, 2012

@matt_wheel @ashedryden a big issue is the accessibility of programming as a career.

— Isaac Sanders (@isaacsanders) December 22, 2012

. @isaacsanders @ashedryden I'm thinking as much about the lack of speakers from that demographic. Different perspectives and ideas.

— Matthew Wheeler (@Matt_Wheel) December 22, 2012

The ideas here are mix-and-match firestarters for your conference. You know your fellow organizers and attendees better than anyone, so use what would work best for you. Keep in mind that some of these items may add more overhead time-wise to organizing, but they will help your conference be more inclusive and accessible (and potentially more profitable!).

(Note: These suggestions specifically relate to cost and focus on helping attendees afford to attend. I recognize there are a wealth of other reasons people may be unable to attend a conference, perhaps a topic for a future post :} )

Make attendees aware of low-cost options

Most conferences dedicate a page on their website to lodging, transportation, and food options. You can easily expand what you offer there to include:

• Hostels, motels, airbnb, couch surfing, or other low-cost lodging in the area
• For hotels that provide shuttles from the airport/hotel/to the venue, include any associated costs
• Link to a google group or similar place to allow people to setup room or ride shares with other attendees. This can also connect local people who are willing to allow someone to stay at their home or are willing to pick people up from the airport.
• Public Transit options, including costs and whether they can be paid in cash or if tickets/tokens are required
• Shuttle and taxi information, along with average cost from the airport to the venue area
• Bonus points: offer conference-paid shuttles going from the airport to the venue area
• If you aren't providing meals, create a list of low-cost restaurants (or link to a specific yelp search for the area), grocery stores, or bodegas in the area. (Beyond those with budget constraints, your attendees with dietary restrictions will be happy for this list!)
• If you aren't providing childcare, provide a list of reputable and trustworthy childcare facilities in the venue area
• Provide information on how an attendee can talk their boss/company into covering their ticket + travel. Webstock has an excellent example of this.

@matt_wheel @ashedryden for my non profit conferences we have comped rooms or travel in some cases when asked. It depends on the situation.

— Renee DeWolf (@ReneeDeWolf) December 22, 2012

@ashedryden an option might be to say to speakers "please email us if there are travel hardships we can help w/" @isaacsanders @matt_wheel

— Jared (@JaredTheNerd) December 22, 2012

@jaredthenerd @ashedryden @isaacsanders @matt_wheel in my experience ppl are VERY reticent about asking for help, need minimal hoops to jump

— Skud (@Skud) December 22, 2012

@rohdesign @ashedryden would free airbnb style accomodation help this? I'm assuming airbnb has solved safety concerns/issues somehow.

— Matthew Wheeler (@Matt_Wheel) December 22, 2012

@ashedryden Childcare costs. Mothers are still the default ones on the hook for that.

— Jen Myers (@antiheroine) December 22, 2012

@ashedryden I've been to confs with a "creche" system + events for children. Those bring more families to the event.

— Rachel Nabors (@CrowChick) December 22, 2012

Attendees

Every conference has attendees that won't have an issue with the cost of a conference ticket, travel, lodging, or other expenses. These attendees may be willing to help others if you give them the opportunity.

• Allow people to pay more for their ticket. Add a "chip in!" option during ticket checkout. This can be especially successful during Early Bird Ticket time when they can pay more to help someone else, while still paying less than the full ticket price.
• Allow people to purchase an additional partial or full ticket to help another person attend. Create a "Scholarship Sponsor" sponsor level to add these people to and be sure to thank them during the conference.
• Allow people to pay an additional 50-100% for their ticket to attend the speakers/sponsors dinner.
• JSConf took donations for the Ada initiative with 85% of ticket purchasers donating.
• Create a ticket price tier. (To avoid a feeling of hierarchy within the attendees, do not advertise the ticket tier on the attendee badges.)
• volunteers get in free, or at a discounted rate
• students (with a valid school ID) get a discounted rate. Couple this with approaching local colleges and universities (your best bet is to find an instructor/professor in the appropriate program) about letting their student know about your conference and the discount they'd receive.
• self-employed individuals get a discounted rate (I'm not sure how you'd validate this?)
• First-time attendees get a discounted ticket if purchased with a full-price ticket.
• Host a fundraiser to raise money for your scholarship fund.
• SteelCityRuby Conference (2013) hosted a Whisky Night Fundraiser to raise money for their travel scholarships.

@ashedryden another option is kickstarter style. For $NNN you get a "supporter" tshirt and named on website.

— Skud (@Skud) December 22, 2012

@ashedryden Offer a volunteer cost offset to attendees (help with X hours of pre-planning grunt work, get in for a discount)

— Jon Daniel (@binarycleric) December 22, 2012

@ashedryden discount for first time attendees when they register with another full price attendee

— Renee DeWolf (@ReneeDeWolf) December 22, 2012

@rohdesign @ashedryden 150% ticket price reward 'attend the fabled speakers dinner'.

— Matthew Wheeler (@Matt_Wheel) December 22, 2012

Speakers

• Announce your CFP as early as possible to allow people to start looking around for airline tickets, taking time off of working, arranging childcare, etc. If you pay for any speaker expenses or have a scholarship fund, announce it at the same time so those who wouldn't otherwise be able to speak/attend can get that information.
• If you are paying for your speakers' travel, lodging, and/or other expenses, give them the option to donate those costs into your scholarship fund.
• Alternatively, allow them to donate those funds toward the purchase of a ticket, which the conference will give away in their name.

@isaacsanders @ashedryden @matt_wheel personally, I'm willing to speak regionally w/ no costs covered. Anything is a really nice bonus

— Jared (@JaredTheNerd) December 22, 2012

Sponsors

• Approach organizations and businesses that can benefit from getting more people into the community, such as online educational programs, web hosts, or other services that are useful to users of all ability levels to donate to your scholarship fund.
• Denote that within each sponsorship (at any level), 10% of the cost goes towards your scholarship fund.
• Give local restaurants sponsor credit for giving attendees a discount on meals purchased at their restaurant when they present their conference badge.

@ashedryden another interesting idea - deals secured by conference orgs w/ local restaurants - pay a flat, lower fee for all food access.

— Mike Rohde (@rohdesign) December 22, 2012

Spread the love

Sometime during your conference, announce how much you were able to raise in your scholarship fund and how many people (without pointing out said people) you were able to help attend. Encourage other conference organizers to talk to you about how you ran your scholarship fund and offer to donate a portion of your leftover scholarship funds (if there are any) to theirs in exchange for a Scholarship level sponsorship.